you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
