As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
