If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
