He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
