It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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