I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
