WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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