Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
