I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Are we still banned from the library?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
