plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
