Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
