He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
