literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
