I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
