he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
