So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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