He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
