Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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