what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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