Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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