it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
