wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
