it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
