my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He felt like a one man threesome
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
