He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
