We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
