i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
