Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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