So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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