whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
