no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
