I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
