you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
cat food counts as protein by the way
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
