We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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