I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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