You work out of a Hotel?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
