she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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