I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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