why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
