FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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