My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
