I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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