you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
