she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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