I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
