i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
