She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
