yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Randomize
