And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
