meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
