How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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