I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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